The veil

I stand here, on the edge of the world, seeing nothing but the veil of mist, thick as sweet cotton, that my mother bought me once at the county fair. The veil so dense that there’s nothing before me, and all that once was there, behind my back, does not exist.

The veil reminds me of cathedral wedding veils, yet it is silkier, softer, subtler. This veil isn’t white, or creme, or golden-beige. Neither is it pastel, or silvery or grey. It has no distinct color, as all the colors are there. It has no one to drape around, yet it drapes beautifully.

I wish this veil was mine. I wish it could hide me in its airy embrace, I wish it could hide me forever. I wish it was mine.

It is yours,the voice says. It is yours. You’ve been hiding behind this veil for all your life,babe. Misunderstanding,regret, lies and pretence, prejudices and hopes – fears and dreams – that is what it’s made of. It’s yours.

My heart agrees. My mind beats against the truth as the fish trapped in icy waters.

Wanna see? The voice whispers. Look.

The veil becomes tangible. I reach for it, I grasp it. I pull it, gently- as if I’m afraid to harm it.

Oh come on. Harder.

I pull again. The veil falls down. Another one hides under it.

Pull.

Another one falls to the ground.

Pull, I say.

One by one,the veils fall apart and down, torn and ripped.

Now, then. Look closer.

A shining figure crowned by a thorny looking diadem stands before me.

It is you. Embrace yourself, babe. It is time.

One step closer. One more step. Reaching out, I touch the glistening fingers. They clasp mine.

Light blinds me. I can no longer see.

When I open my eyes, light is still there.

Inside you, babe.

My fingers shimmer. My head feels heavy, as if weighted down.

Your crown, babe. Call it a gift. Call it a curse. I gave you the crown of thorns, and I shall give you the crown of roses.

Embrace yourself.

Embrace yourself.

Take it in, babe.

You’re life itself.